What can you do when your boyfriend ends the relationship, but you still love him and want him back?
In this article on “How to get your ex boyfriend back”, I will give you some tips on maximizing your chances of getting him back after the breakup has occurred.
I have to say though that there are no guarantees since we are dealing with the will of another person here. If he just does not want you back no matter what, there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it.
With that in mind, let’s get started:
Step One: Work Out Why He Left You
The first step in how to get your ex boyfriend back is to work out why he left you in the first place.
You need to start by being very honest with yourself and asking whether it was anything to do with you (it might be good to also involve a trusted friend in this process so that you remain more objective, for sometimes we as humans can be totally blind to the things we do wrong).
- Were you not contributing enough to the relationship (ie. taking a lot more than what you were giving) or just being
demanding in general? - Were you incompatible with him in terms of personality?
- Were you argumentative or did you often criticize him?
- Did you take your emotional frustrations in life out on him (eg. by exploding with anger at the smallest things he did that annoyed you every time you had a bad day at work)?
- Were you emotionally needy and did you suffocate him in the relationship?
- Did you put pressure on him to produce the ring?
- Or, was it more a case of you changing as a person (maybe for the better) resulting in him no longer being attracted to who you had become?
- Alternatively, could there be other reasons to do with you that caused him to leave?
However, if you are convinced that it was not about you, it will almost certainly be about him and his issues.
- Maybe he met someone else who he was more attracted to than you.
- Another possibility is that he is going through a stage in his life when he needs to be alone to “find himself”.
- A third possibility is that he may have just got tired of you (although you may have done nothing wrong).
- Finally, maybe he backed out of the relationship when things got serious because he is afraid of deep intimacy with another person and of commitment.
But before you jump to these conclusions and put all the blame on him, I strongly advise you to make sure that you’re right about him being the one at fault. Because in reality, relationship issues are rarely a one-way street where it is all the other person’s (or your) fault. As the expression goes, it usually takes two to Tango.
The reason why you need to be careful not to wrongly pin all the blame on him is that it could prevent a resolution from ever happening.
However, if you identify some things that you might have been doing to contribute to the mess, it then gives you a lot more control in resolving the issues (because they involve you).
Also, it is much easier to get him to change when you come from the humble place of admitting that you too need to change. It is very hard to ask him to come back, while at the same time saying that it was all his fault and that he needs to change to make things work.
At the end of the day you need to face the stark reality that he has left you because he was happier away from you than he was with you.
Step Two: Address the Issues (if you can)
Step two in how to get your ex back is that if he left you because of some things about you that he didn’t like and which you can change (and would want to change), you must address these issues first. Because if the two of you did get back together without some change on your part, the old issues would quickly crop up again.
Use the time out from the relationship to work on yourself so that you become the best “you” that you can be.
That way there is far more chance of it working out if the two of you do get back together, or of it working out with another man in the event that the relationship is not eventually restored.
If though, he has left you because of something that you can’t change (or would not want to change) such as your personality, you have to just accept that the two of you are not compatible with each other and move on. Why would you want to get back with him when you could meet someone who is a better match for you?
Okay, I know that there will be an emotional attachment, but you have to realize that you will quickly get over this – especially when you meet someone who is better for you.
Finally, if you have come to the firm conclusion that the reason he left you was mainly because of his own personal issues rather than yours, you have very little control over the situation.
It is largely up to him to deal with such issues if he wants to, although you might be able to offer him some help if it is appropriate to do so (eg. if he is depressed).
But you can’t force him to change so that the two of you can get back together; after all, it was him who decided to leave you in the first place.
My suggestion is that in such a case it is best to move on, rather than wasting your time and torturing yourself over him. Let him go, and if it is meant to be the two of you will get back together at some stage in the future.
Step Three: Don’t Nag Him About Getting Back Together
Step three in how to get your ex boyfriend back is that regardless of whether the cause of him leaving was something that related to you or it was more about him, it is vitally important that you don’t keep nagging him about getting back together with you.
Don’t keep texting and calling him and don’t tell him that you’ll do whatever he wants as long as he takes you back.
This sort of stuff is going to drive him away even further and will virtually eliminate the possibility of the two of you ever making up.
Step Four: Don’t Wait by the Phone – Live Your Life!
Along the same lines, don’t wait by the phone for him to call or put your life on hold. This will only lower your self-esteem and make you seem more unattractive to him in any future interactions (you will appear needy and desperate). It will confirm to him that he made the right decision in leaving you.
Instead, you need to get on with living life: build your career/business, spend time with family and friends and in your hobbies.
Furthermore, date other guys when you get the chance and find some way to let him know that you are (eg. Facebook updates) – don’t underestimate the power of jealousy.
The moral of the story is to have fun and enjoy life without your ex boyfriend, which could make him start to question himself over why he broke up with you in the first place. This is your best chance of getting back together with him.
Step Five: Let Him Reach Out to You
For the final step in how to get your ex back, I recommend that you let him reach out to you and suggest a meeting to “catch up” and possibly talk about getting back together.
To increase the chances of this happening though, you could send him a text (no sooner than a few weeks after the breakup) asking him about how he is and also saying that you hope things are going well for him.
This will cause him to think about you more, realize that you are doing fine without him (since you seem more concerned about him than about yourself and the relationship), and enable him to see that you are not still angry and upset with him about dumping you.
When your ex reaches out to you, you have him where you want him – he is the one who will have to admit that he may have made a big mistake and try to woo you back. You shouldn’t have to beg for mercy and forgiveness, or be too conciliatory.
However, I advise that you still be humble and acknowledge anything that you might have done to cause the breakup.
Hopefully though, you have already gone a long way towards correcting these things in the time that you have been away from him (as I suggested you do in step two).
If however he doesn’t come back to you, you have to be okay with moving on with your life. By spending more time on yourself (as you did in step four), your life could be far more vibrant than it was before, and this will help you to attract a far better man than your ex boyfriend.
I hope that these suggestions on “How to get your ex boyfriend back” have been useful to you. And if you would like some more information that should help you get him back, I suggest that you take a look at these other articles:
But to increase your chances of getting him back even more, I recommend that you take a look at relationship expert TW Jackson’s bestselling book The Magic of Making Up, which I have reviewed here: The Magic of Making Up Review.
In this, Jackson teaches you his tested and proven system on how to get your ex back, without having to beg and lose your
dignity.
You will learn step-by-step how to quickly recover from the emotional upset of the breakup and present yourself in such a way that your ex boyfriend feels that he’s made a huge mistake in dumping you.
This is the point that you need to reach in order for him to want you back and be prepared to swallow his pride to make it happen.
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