Is your relationship is in major trouble?
Do you find yourself in the position where your boyfriend or husband is becoming more and more distant from you by the day? For example, he seems less happy to be around you and increasingly disinterested in spending quality time with you – even though you may not fight that much.
Furthermore, is it becoming harder to relate to him and do you always have to make the effort to initiate things?
Alternatively, do the two of you seem to be arguing and getting into fights all the time, usually about small insignificant things like remembering to put the top back on the toothpaste when you’ve finished with it?
In either case, you know that if things continue as they have been, a breakup is imminent. But the thing is that you still love him and don’t want to lose him.
So, how can you save the relationship?
Step 1: Talk to him about your feelings (and ask him about his)
The first step in how to save a relationship is that you need to talk to him about how you are feeling about the relationship, especially how you are concerned that it seems to be heading towards the rocks and that you don’t want this to happen.
Make sure that you don’t get angry, try to apportion blame to him, or do it in a judgmental way. Otherwise, he will probably get defensive and this will be counterproductive to your goal of saving the relationship.
Ask him then what his thoughts are about your concerns and how the relationship is going. The key here is in gaining a sense of whether he accepts that there is a problem and secondly, if he does, whether he is motivated to solve it so that the relationship can be saved.
For if he does not accept that there is a problem when you have told him that there is (from your perspective), things are going to be really difficult since he is on a different page to you.
And if he accepts that there is a problem but is not interested in solving it, then the relationship almost certainly cannot be saved – you will have to just accept this and move on. Don’t put yourself through the torment of trying to save a sinking ship.
Step 2: Find underlying issues and address these
The second step in how to save a relationship is that if he does accept there is a problem and you gain a sense that he wants to try to make things work, the two of you need to find all the underlying issues and address these.
I suggest that you make a time to sit down and talk with him (without any outside distractions present) about why you both feel that the relationship is not working from each perspective.
You should both have an uninterrupted chance to say how your needs aren’t being met, while trying to avoid judging the other person (which can cause defensiveness in them as I mentioned above).
Once you have identified and discussed in detail all the issues, it is then appropriate to look for common threads and areas of agreement. This is the best place to start in trying to work out solutions, which you should do next.
Here you both need to recognize the things that you have been doing to cause the issues, admit these, and try to come up with ways that you can improve. If there is going to be a successful resolution at this stage, both of you need to commit fully to this process.
Step 3 (if needed): Counseling/Mediation
However, if one of you is going to play the “blame game” by saying that, “it’s all your fault” or “you’re being totally unreasonable”, you will need to bring in a relationship/marriage counselor or some sort of impartial mediator who will guide you through a similar process to Step 2 above – with an added level of accountability. This is step three in the process of how to save a relationship.
Step 4 (if needed): Separation
If after going through these three steps you find that little progress has been made, or that things have gone backwards due to increased anger and resentment, or unwillingness to change on his (or your) part, you will have to accept that things don’t look promising.
By this stage there is little chance of a successful resolution, unless one of you has a significant change of heart.
Maybe though if the two of you separate for a while (ie. have a timeout) this could create enough space for this change of heart to occur. But unfortunately, that is probably the last chance for you to save the relationship.
I hope this article on “How to save a relationship” has been helpful to you, at least as a starting point. And for further information, I have two other articles that are relevant to the situation you face:
However, if you are serious about saving your relationship, I strongly suggest that you also take a look at the bestselling downloadable book Save My Marriage Today! by relationship experts Amy Waterman and Andrew Rusbatch (which I have reviewed here: Save My Marriage Today Review).
This will provide you with a far more detailed set of information on saving your relationship than space has allowed me to do in this article. And although it is framed in terms of marriage, most of the material applies equally to a committed long-term relationship.
So, don’t wait until it is too late; download a copy of Save My Marriage Today! right now to give yourself your best chance of turning your marriage or relationship around. You can be reading it within minutes.
Click on the following link and then select the “Products” tab at the top of the page to go directly to Save My Marriage Today!: