In order to attract men and keep them attracted over the longer term, it is vital that you first know what men find attractive in women.
For if you don’t really understand what these things are, you will end up stabbing in the dark or be left at the mercy of the ideas of others – who may not know what they’re talking about (eg. well-meaning friends and family: “Just be yourself”), or they might have a vested interest in misleading you (eg. the media: “Men are attracted to young women who are skinny, blonde, have big breasts and perfect skin”).
To answer the question of “what men find attractive”, one must first address the issue of physical appearance.
Yes men do have a preference for women who are classically good looking (eg. a swimsuit model), but this is not the huge factor that the media and pop culture make it out to be.
This is because what is attractive to men is subjective and can vary a lot between individual men. Every man has his own particular tastes and these won’t always coincide exactly with the types of women that society puts up on a pedestal.
Furthermore, looks are only high up on a man’s wish list if he is just after a short-term sexual relationship. If he is looking for a real relationship with a woman (that could lead to marriage), other factors which we are about to discuss are far more important.
Having said this though, men will not go for women who they find very physically unattractive, unless they have no other options.
This means that a woman needs to at least make herself decent looking, which almost all women have the ability to do. It is about having pride in your appearance and never letting yourself go.
Furthermore, it may actually surprise you that you will probably have more options in terms of men if you are not extremely physically attractive.
This is because most men are intimidated by these sorts of women. They can’t act normal around them and can’t pluck up the courage to approach them and ask them out.
You may well be thinking though, “yeah, yeah, yeah, … but I still want to know generally what men find attractive in a woman physically – can you give me anything on this?”
Well to answer this, I would have to say someone who is curvy rather than skinny (despite common belief, men don’t generally find bony catwalk models attractive), someone who has long hair, breasts that are moderately sized (but not too big!), and someone whose physical features are symmetrical and in proportion to each other. Other factors like height and hair color vary too much between different men to make any general rules about.
High self-esteem (but not arrogance) is something that is very, very attractive to men. Men like to be around women who like, accept and appreciate themselves, despite any personal flaws that they have.
People who like themselves tend to be secure and don’t have to put others down to make themselves feel good. Instead, they help to build up those around them by being a positive influence in the lives of others.
But people who don’t like themselves tend to be insecure and often feel the need to put others down to raise themselves up. They can be very draining to be around and you really need to watch out when they are having bad days (which can occur frequently).
For obvious reasons it is not fun to be around such a person – you will end up being on the receiving end of abuse from them at some stage, and you may also have to keep reassuring them all the time (eg. “No, you don’t look fat in that dress”). Men find these things tiresome in a woman.
Confidence is another extremely attractive quality to men, which tends to accompany high self-esteem (it also comes when you step out of your comfort zone on a regular basis, by trying new things and taking risks).
When you are confident, you believe that life is going to work out for you despite the challenges that you face, and also that others are going to like you. This means that you have few worries and concerns, and are not shy or awkward around others.
Confidence tells a man that you are not going to be a deadweight tied around his waist that he has to carry through life. It causes him to believe that you can pull your own weight, by being able to successfully navigate your own way through life without him being around. Therefore you won’t stifle him if the two of you get together.
This leads to another attractive quality. Men like women who are independent and have a life of their own, rather than those whose only mission in life is to find a great man and cling to him.
A woman needs have her own career, her own hobbies, and her own friends. And ideally, she should have at least one thing in life that she is extremely passionate about – that has nothing to do with having a boyfriend, husband, or kids.
Men are not usually attracted to women who are waiting for a man to turn up so that their lives can start. Such women come across as needy and undesirable.
Love of Life, Happiness, and Emotionally Stability
Women also must love life, be happy and emotionally stable. Those who have a beautiful smile and use it a lot are likely to have their pick of men.
However, men are not attracted to women who are unhappy, angry, moody, have ADD and are all over the place, or those who are full of drama.
Intelligence is something that is often maligned since it is believed that men prefer “dumb blondes”. But this is not true. Most men want women who can stimulate their minds, along with other parts of their bodies.
However, what men don’t like is when women use their intelligence in ways that are competitive, such as trying to win arguments and prove them wrong.
But if you use your intelligence in cooperative ways, for example, by coming up with creative ideas and suggestions, this can be very attractive. Being witty in terms of language and humor can also be endearing to men.
Strong, but Submissive (Feminine)
A woman needs to be someone who is strong, but submissive. She may well be the equal (or more than equal) of the man in certain areas, but she lets him take charge and make the decisions (while she follows) – which is an important feminine quality.
This is not pandering to an insecure man’s ego, it is about letting him be the man (ie. masculine) and serve you.
In writing this I understand that you may have an instant revulsion to this suggestion that you need to be submissive to men in order to attract them.
It may sound 1950s and very chauvinistic. But this is because our society has been bombarded with feminist values that state that men and women are inherently equal and should act the same.
Actually, while men and women do have equal intrinsic value, they are very different to each other, and are naturally inclined towards different roles in society.
Men prefer to be in leadership roles, while women prefer to be in follower or supportive roles – that’s how they’re wired. This is a major difference between masculinity and femininity.
Sure, if you want you can choose to be a leader and dominant – there is nothing wrong with this. But masculine men just won’t find you attractive if you act in such masculine ways around them.
The masculine and feminine are polar opposites that naturally attract each other, since they are complementary. It does not work if you have either two leaders or two followers in a relationship.
Consider the analogy of partner dancing: one person leads (usually the man) and the other follows (normally the woman). Each role is a very different skill which takes a lot of practice to master. And when you have a dance couple who are very good at their respective leader and follower roles, they can perform some very impressive dances moves together without the need of choreography.
Getting back to the issue at hand though, remember that I said you need to be strong and submissive, NOT weak and submissive. This is probably where a lot of the confusion comes in. It is possible to be strong and yet submit (or surrender) to a man.
Submission does not imply weakness; it can actually take a lot of strength to submit to another person willingly.
However, being weak and submissive is something that is not overly attractive to men. It makes them feel like they have an extra dependant on their hands – one who could become a deadweight that slows them down in life.
The Clothes Men Like Women to Wear
In terms of clothing, most men don’t care what a woman wears, as long as she dresses in a clean and tidy way.
Don’t bother spending mega dollars on some special outfit, or making sure that you are up with the very latest in fashion – it is very unlikely that these things will impress a man. It might even hurt you by making you look try-hard or high maintenance.
Jeans and a t-shirt are almost always perfectly acceptable, unless you are going to something formal.
Also, all of this must be prefaced by saying, don’t dress too sexy if you want to be relationship material for a man (otherwise it is very hard for him to see you as anything other than a sexual object).
This means that your breasts should not be popping out in his face, g-strings should not be riding up your back if you are wearing jeans, and skirt length should not be too short (knee-length is quite appropriate). He has to feel that he can take you home to his parents and not be embarrassed by you and how you’re presenting yourself.
Therefore in short, you want to dress attractively, but not too sexy. In the photo below, the woman is probably doing okay (as far as we can tell from behind), apart from having a bit too much underwear showing.
I hope that this article has given you a good explanation of what men find attractive in women. However, there is a lot more to learn on the subject than what can be presented in such a short article as this one.
To gain a much fuller understanding of what men find attractive, I strongly suggest that you take a look at my book, What Men Want.
This will show you how to become the kind of woman who naturally attracts the best guys – even if you are not the most attractive physically.
If you want a fantastic man in your life, grab yourself a copy now: